Explanations for ratings of 3 will be skipped.
Wake-Up!
Rating: 3 3 3
God, I wish I could wake up in Equestria and learn my human life was just one big nightmare. So because Pinkie's a complete fucking spazoid, she's been playing drums all frickin' night, keeping everyone from sleeping. Sunset's sleeping in due to this so someone needs to wake her up. Until now, in-universe the character facing an ordeal themself is the one choosing but Sunset's asleep so do the three just come to a consensus whoever the viewer chooses is the one waking her up?
If Applejack wakes her up, she pulls the blankets off Sunset and she is not happy. They later eat pancakes. No coffee.
If Rainbow Dash wakes her up, she makes Sunset do yoga. Do I even need to make a joke here?
If Pinkie wake her up, she gets Sunset a nice, hearty goyslop breakfast.
In what is probably a drug reference, they get extremely hyperactive and we get one of my favorite screenshots in the whole MLP series I call Sugar-Fucked Sunset. Apparently Spike got some of what they had too.
The Last Drop
Rating: 4 3 3
Vinyl's having a concert at the festival. She chooses who comes on stage.
If Sunset goes on, Vinyl passes her the aux chord (I am still pissed about phones getting rid of headphone jacks) and it's essentially her playing some game that's like that fucking Nyan Cat mobile game that was popular in the early to mid 2010s. Who the fuck wants to watch someone just play a mobile game? There's a reason why Kamcord failed.
If Flutters goes on, it's some whatever-the-fuck electronic thing she dances to. Seriously, what the fuck is with electronic in particular having so many fucking subgenres?
If Big Mac goes on, he does some electro-country thing or whatever you'd call it.
Fluttershy's has some music that's vaguely close to something I'd actually listen to so I guess I'll give it 4 EV for that.
Inclement Weather
Rating: 3 3 3
Rarity's a whiny little cunt and freaks out and needs help because it rains.
If she nags Applejack into helping, she decides wear blackface.
If she nags Twi into helping, Twi won't shut the fuck up and Rarity decides to cosplay as the trash she is.
If she nags Vignette into helping, we see Vignette is still an uppity cunt and Rarity whines to her and later, the impressionable youth copy Rarity's style in a metaphor for how social media cunts ruin the minds of children.
Lost And Pound
Rating: 4 3 3
After discussing lagsna-pops, Glifried's favorite dessert (go read Garfield Kart Experience by the way), some little frou-frou-ass dog shows up so it has to choose who helps it.
Here you go, Fluttershy fans. I know how you fuckers are.
If the dog chooses Rarity, it'll harass her like the bitch deserves. Derpy and Bulk:
If the dog chooses Spike, Spike will panic because he's a muttcel whose only girlfriend has been a robot. At the end, Spike talks in front of others who aren't the girls and they don't freak out so do people just accept he's a talking dog now? Derpy and Bulk again.
If the dog chooses Fluttershy, the dog just tells her who her owner is and she returns it. They must've wanted to save on the budget on this one because the actual thing is only 30 seconds long.
Rarity one is amusing so 4 EV.
Accountibilibuddies
Rating: 4 3 3
Applejack gets injured so someone has to babysit her.
Rainbow Dash will take Applejack to a medical tent to give her a salve which after looking up its pronunciation, its 'e' is indeed silent which is just fucking retarded. Then the famous singer guy Applejack wants to see shows up and the salve heals him which indicates Rainbow Dash has a high survival stat. I never have put anything into survival.
Pinkie will take Applejack to a hill to watch the gender-swapped Rarity-looking motherfucker. Pinkie then gets tackled by security which is amusing.
Snips will reveal he and Snails had a falling out and he starts depressionmaxing. Then Snails shows up and everything's fine again and Dirk Thistleweed, the musician guy shows up and gives the three a special spot during his show because he thinks Snails is funny.
Pinkie getting tackled is amusing and the Snips one is slightly amusing so it gets 4 EV.
The Road Less Scheduled
Rating: 3 4 3
Derpy and Bulk.
Twi's nerdceling about her stupid schedule on her phone that requires internet to access. You own nothing and are happy. Twi's phone becomes unusable so because she doesn't have an algorithm to tell her what to do, she decides to make someone else tell her what to do because she has no self-agency.
If she makes her problems Celestia's, she'll add Twi to her band of boomers. Celestia then calls out the pony show at the end.
If she makes her problem Fluttershy's, we see Fluttergoth.
If she makes her problem Micro Chips', the two go to a concert of someone Twi's a spergy fan of only for it to be revealed they're Micro Chips himself.
4 VB for Fluttergoth.
Sock It To Me
Rating: 4 3 3
Rainbow Dash is missing some lucky sock and Pinkie starts stealing everybody's.
Rarity has Rainbow Dash cheat by wearing a sock that blinds the other team.
Trixie gives Rainbow Dash a sock.
Bulk Biceps, like the kind soul he is, gives Rainbow Dash his lucky sock which causes her to win only for Bulk to reveal the sock isn't lucky and he just made it up to teach Rainbow Dash to have self-confidence. Absolute Chad.
Bulk Biceps' is amusing so 4 EV.
Tip Toppings
Rating: 3 3 3
Pinkie wins one free topping at a frozen yogurt place for being a good little consoomer and wants someone else to pick the topping for her because she has no self-agency and is happy.
Applejack tries to keep Pinkie from choosing goyslop as her topping and succeeds by pretending to be tricked into allowing Pinkie to have some.
Twi does some stupid fucking flavor theory bullshit like the annoying fucking sperg she is. She concludes chocolate-covered walnuts are the best topping. However, Pinkie is allergic to walnuts and dies from an allergic reaction.
Fluttershy's animals commit an act of terrorism on the place.
Costume Conundrum
Rating: 4 3 3
Fluttershy is a gamer.
Bulk Biceps is hosting a costume party but Fluttershy is scared.
Sunset Shimmer dresses as a vampire and has Fluttershy dress as a monster which scares Bulk Biceps.
Sunset Shimmer, the leviathans are coming...
Rarity makes Fluttershy put on a dress she loves only to tell her it's for herself, not Fluttershy to wear. Cunt.
Applejack makes her dress in a Gen 1 pony costume.
This was the final Equestria Girls thing ever released.
Bulk Biceps is funny in Sunset's so 4 EV. Bulk Biceps has really carried Equestria Girls.
MLP Commentaries IndexWritten 2025-5-12 Published 2025-6-1