EP 8: Rarity Takes Manehatten
Rating: 5 4 5
We open this episode with Rarity being a cunt manipulating Spike into carrying her luggage. At least she got seven tickets instead of just six to a musical so Spike can come along. After the theme song, we see the train going across a bridge to Manehatten. How many ponies do think have killed themselves by jumping off that bridge?
They arrive in Manehatten and Rainbow Dash gets meta mentioning how it's weird for ponies to just start singing out of nowhere and then a Rarity songs starts. Being explicitly meta isn't funny; you have to make it subtle in a way so that people think you're being hypocritical before the realization sets in or you have to be metaironic so they can't discern whether you're being sincere or not. The song is decent.
After the song, Rarity realizes she's about to be late for her dress thing she's in Manehatten for and tries to get a taxi but they're all taken and no one's willing to give up their spot in line for her. Since the taxis are just pony-drawn carriages, couldn't she just run there herself? I know she's a prissy bitch but in this situation, she should just be willing to run.
So she arrives in time, forgot the dresses, and her friends send the dresses to her via a pony Rarity tipped a gem to earlier which sort of confirms gems are also a currency or at least a commonly traded hard asset in Equestria. Then we meet Suri Polomare and I love how she often says "okay" at the end of her sentences. I'd love for her to explain to me why drugs are bad.
Rarity then gives Suri some of her fabric she's using for her own dresses only to find at the dress thing, she's stolen Rarity's design. This reminds me of a joke I once came up with that was stolen. The joke went "What did Santa Claus say to the three hookers on Christmas?" and then I would say while pointing "Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!". People fucking loved this joke and so much so that it was stolen from me and if you ever hear a tall Hawaiian man named Makani tell any variation of that joke, he stole it from me.
Then we meet Coco Pommel and she is just adorable! Just look at her!
Rarity throws a hissy fit and gets the idea to use the hotel fabrics for a new line. She forces her friends to work on the dresses all night and they miss a dinner and the musical they were all going to go to. Rarity gets manipulative and makes them feel bad for wanting to go to the show and throws another tantrum.
Rarity while her line seems to be winning the thing, runs off the stage and knocks a bitch off finally realizing she's been a cunt to her friends... again. She then walks the rainy streets singing a sad song since she thinks her friends returned to Ponyville and this screenshot goes kinda hard.
Rarity's friends return, she gets a private showing of the musical for them, and she had to make a deal that will keep her in Manehatten to get the showing. This implies Rarity will be gone for I would assume at least two weeks. Cutie pie Pommel then walks in and tells Rarity she won the fashion show thing and explains how Suri was manipulating Rarity in an attempt to win and the episode ends with Rarity hiring Coco to help her with her contract.
This was a very good episode that was thoroughly entertaining enough to warrant 5 EV. 4 VB for the message of not taking advantage of your friends. 5 DV for exploring Manehatten a lot more.
EP 9: Pinkie Apple Pie
Rating: 5 3 4
We learn Pinkie is 4th cousins twice removed by a 5th cousin with the Apple siblings. I had to search up what removed cousins were. I have no idea what "by a 5th cousin" means unless it's a made-up description. Looking this up, I can't find anything outside of MLP and Brave AI's explanation is likely bullshit since its sources are mostly webpages pertaining to this episode and absolutely nowhere can I find what it means. They then say Applejack's great-great-auntie is a 4th cousin twice removed, not Pinkie so she's removed the other way which I think works. I guess we can just assume the Pie sisters are 4th cousins twice removed with the Apple siblings since the writers made this very confusing and potentially made up the "by a 5th cousin" part.
We then learn that the "Pie" part of the scroll was smudged and they don't actually know for sure if Pinkie's related to them. They all decide to go to Goldie Delicious, a family member who they think will know for sure whether Pinkie is actually related and prepare for a road trip. Applejack then tells the other Apple family members to be on their best behavior in front of Pinkie because she's insecure about family dysfunction.
They set off and sing a songs that's pretty good and at the end, the wagon just collapses which is pretty funny. After holding their anger, the Apples build a raft and on it, Pinkie takes pictures of them including this one after a wave crashes on them and Apple Bloom looks cute.
Next couple minutes is them traveling while shit keeps going to shit and they try to hide their dysfunction from Pinkie. They arrive at Goldie Delicious' and we see Slendermane for a few frames at a point.
When Goldie Delicious arrives, Applejack asks her to find out if Pinkie is their 4th cousin twice removed so it's almost definite that the "by a 5th cousin" part had to be writing error. They enter her house which is a complete hoard filled with cats and there's a part where Apple Bloom asks "whose was this?" in reference to a partially eaten gingerbread house and Goldie Delicious says "Well that was my lunch..." and this was funnier than it should have been. Goldie Delicious then pulls out her family history codex and the part that should reveal whether Pinkie is related to the Apples is also smudged. The Apples accept Pinkie as family anyways and she takes a group photo and we see the photo as the camera zooms out in a scrapbook and holy shit, MLP did the soyjaks pointing six years before the soyjaks themselves did it!
This was another really good episode worthy of 5 EV with its thorough entertainment and a few goofy moments. 3 VB because the family stuff I don't vibe with but there's nothing offensive so there's no reduction in VB. 4 DV because we learn Pinkie and Applejack may be related and they go on a journey.
EP 10: Rainbow Falls
Rating: 6 4 4
We continue with the Equestria Games arc and Rainbow Dash, Flutters, and Bulk Biceps are Ponyville's air relay team to tryout for the Games. Antics ensue which are pretty funny in the intro. Next, they're on a train talking about the Games and Pinkie is able to send Bulk Biceps flying showing that she potentially has absurd strength. They make it to a new location we've never seen before where all the Games' teams are participating in qualification. A pony states that the Wonderbolts are flying for Cloudsdale which suggests the Wonderbolts are transient with their representation.
During baton pass practice, the horseshoe baton is stolen by Rarity. Eventually Soarin gets distracted by cheerleaders and gets injured but is saved by Rainbow Dash and after the save, Bulk Biceps screams "P is for Rainbow Dash!" and this moment was hilarious. The Wonderbolts then offer Rainbow Dash Soarin's position and she now tries to balance switching between teams without the other noticing. This is just another Sweet And Elite but better.
We see what Rarity's uniforms are to look like. Don't seem very aerodynamic for an olympic event.
Twilight then confronts Rainbow Dash on her side switching telling her she better make a choice by tomorrow so she fakes injuries to get out of making a choice and Derpy shows up as Rainbow Dash's replacement.
Then Rainbow Dash realizes she should side with her friends and Soarin who's on the other side of the hospital room reveals none of the Wonderbolts have visited him which shows they're cunts. Soarin also reveals he's not injured and is just waiting for Wonderbolts to take him back revealing more of their cuntery. Then they both realize the Wonderbolts lied to both of them. Rainbow Dash then sees a rainbow pointing at the Ponyville flag Derpy dropped and decides to confront the Wonderbolts with Soarin and decides to fly for Ponyville and they take back Soarin. Ponyville qualifies. The end. Derpy indirectly got Ponyville qualified. At the very end it's very cute how Twilight is chasing Pinkie in the background.
I gave this episode the esteemed 6 EV because it's one of the funniest episodes especially with Bulk Biceps' moments and was consistently hilarious throughout. I give it 4 VB for the message of staying loyal to your friends and because of Bulk Biceps and Derpy having a prominent role. 4 DV because we see a new location and continue the Equestria Games storyline.
EP 11: Three's A Crowd
Rating: 5 3 4
This episode opens up with Twilight getting news Cadance is coming, Flutters will get to see breezies, and Pinkie comes in, destroys Twilight's door and slams the broken door onto Spike. At the train station, Flutters leaves and then Cadance arrives with Flash Sentry as part of her entourage. Fuck you Flash Sentry.
Twilight and Cadance go off to some Starswirl convention and then Discord just comes crashing in near the train station revealing he's sick. He decides since Flutters isn't around to nurse him, he's gonna make it everyone else's problem. Rainbow Dash runs away but Pinkie offers to help by giving him cuddles, telling stories, telling him about herself and then mentions she was born on a tuesday and would you look at that, I found Pinkie and Fluttershy's age.
So it's canon that Pinkie's birthday is May 3 and we can assume Equestria's planet has 365 days which is probable considering birthdays fall on the same Gregorian date each year. If Gregorian leap years exist in Equestria, this means that at the start of the show, Pinkie is either 16 or 22 since in the Gregorian calendar, 1994 and 1988 have May 3 on tuesday and her birthday has already passed by the Summer Solstice. Her being 22 makes more sense since we can assume the Mane 6 have very little age difference as we can see in The Cutie Mark Chronicles, Flutters is the only one that's more grown even though she's only a year older than Pinkie as stated in Griffon The Brush Off. A later episode this season For Whom The Sweetie Belle Toils, it's shown Rarity is still fully grown while Sweetie Belle is 5 and visually smaller than she is in the show. If Pinkie were 16, Rarity having to be a similar age, and a couple years younger to account for Sweetie being younger in the scene, certainly wouldn't be fully grown as a young teen. So if leap years exist in Equestria, Pinkie is 22 and Fluttershy is 23. If leap years don't exist which is possible since there's no reason for leap years if days are manually changed and 2010 is the epoch which the show is based on, Pinkie would have to be 20 and Flutters 21. I found this by removing leap days and collapsing the entire calendar a day towards 2010 increasing the collapsed days with each leap year. If I did this right, 1990 would have the most compatible May 3 on a tuesday making Pinkie 20. Otherwise she would be only 13 at the previous possibility which is too young and 27 at the next possibility which is likely too old considering both Rarity and Applejack would have to be almost two decades older than their sisters. Let it be known that I, NightMox solved the ponies' ages.
Discord then just sends Pinkie off and makes Rarity and Applejack sick so he can go harass Twilight and Cadance to take care of him. They take him to the library to rest but before Twilight and Cadance can leave, he has a small request and we get a Discord song. It's alright but nothing I'd listen to on its own. Now, there are some interesting things during this song. First, he mentions Abyssinia which is Ethiopia's old name. Another thing is towards the end of the song, we see Discord riding a primate when I'm pretty sure the entire primate order doesn't exist in Equestria. He also mentions Swiss in reference to the cheese. The Swiss have yet to piss me off and seem like one of the better European peoples.
When Twilight and Cadance bring him the glass of water he wanted, he just drops it. Chaospilled. Discord mentions how he can be cured by a flower at the edge of Equestria. We already did the whole flower curing an illness thing. But anyways, Discord mentions the location is somewhere north but the flower is in a desert biome and all the deserts in Equestria are in the south. I am assuming they are in the San Palomino Desert.
They find the flower is towering and when they rip it from the ground, a giant worm thing attacks and they engage in actual combat with the thing and trap it in the ground. They then find Discord celebrating that they would go to the ends of Equestria for him and he isn't sick anymore. Discord reveals the entire thing was a friendship test and Twilight passed. Cadance then reveals this whole thing didn't damper her visit since it was exciting unlike being a princess in the Crystal Empire. This reveals she is like Celestia in this regard. The episode ends with Discord getting actually sick from the worm thing popping out of the ground and infecting him.
5 EV for the Discord antics being pretty entertaining. 3 VB since there's nothing I vibe with. 4 DV for seeing a new location and indirectly revealing at least Pinkie and Fluttershy's ages.
EP 12: Pinkie Pride
Rating: 4 3 4
We open to Appleloosans and buffalo partying so I guess I was wrong about the buffalo never appearing again. We see Cheese Sandwich who is revealed to be the party pony that caused the party in Appleloosa and we see he has an ability similar to Pinkie Sense and can detect that his next party must be in Ponyville.
Pinkie song is lame. We learn she's planning for Rainbow Dash's birthday bash. I can't find any official posts mentioning her birth date and what is with nearly every goddamn person I find discussing the birth dates of the ponies using fucking horoscopes for their reasoning? Give me official information or cross-reference details to try to find single dates; don't use your fucking generalized personality pseudoscience to just assume a 30-day timerange.
Cheese arrives and says the thing but VLC is fucking up the closed captions again and refuses to even display them. Cheese may also have a stronger Cheesy Sense than Pinkie's Pinkie Sense since his can guide him seemingly anywhere in Equestria whereas Pinkie's works for near and somewhat immediate things. Cheese then sings a song better than Pinkie's. In his song, he mentions Hawaiian shirts meaning Hawaiians exist.
Found a way to get the screenshot.
Derpy sighting.
Pinkie get sad and jealous of Cheese and sings a song that's alright. We also see a photo of Pinkie's family this time showing Maud.
After the song we see Derpy snackin' on the chocolate fountain.
Then Pinkie challenges Cheese to a goof off an she can speak the pony equivalent of Spanish. Would it be called espoñol? Then shit fucks up, Rainbow Dash gets crushed, and Pinkie forfeits. Pinkie's about to leave town until Cheese comes and tells his past to Pinkie and we learn he's from Manehatten and went to Ponyville as a colt where he found a filly Pinkie throwing a party which inspired him to become a party pony. This also suggests Pinkie moved to Ponyville herself as a filly.
They then team up to throw Rainbow Dash's birthday party. We get Pinkie's Make a Wish song which is one of the better songs this season. Cheese then gives Pinkie his rubber chicken Boneless and then he reveals he has a Boneless 2 which makes me think Boneless either has a transient soul or his soul can exist across multiple rubber chickens.
It was an alright episode. Some goofy parts and 3 decent songs gets it 4 EV. Nothing I vibe with so 3 VB. 4 VB for Cheese Sandwich's history.
EP 13: Simple Ways
Rating: 4 4 4
We learn it's gonna be Ponyville Day celebrating the founding of Ponyville so we are still probably in late year 5. Derpy sighting.
Rarity is chosen to organize the thing. It's the dresses from season 1.
Rarity decides to make the thing an uppity upper-class event. She then spergs out about some hipster named Trenderhoof. Trenderhoof arrives and she guides him through Ponyville to Sweet Apple Acres where he then sees Applejack and falls in love with her, making Rarity sad since she had a crush on him.
Rarity throws a fit at her boutique and then Trenderhoof starts bothering Applejack and we get a Derpy sighting.
Rarity tries dressing up as a high-society farm pony and doing farm chores in a desperate attempt to woo Trenderhoof but this obviously fails and he continues to swoon over Applejack. Rest of the episode is Rarity playing tryhard acting like a farmer while Applejack gets annoyed and mimics old Rarity until Rarity snaps out of it and Applejack tells Trenderhoof to go away.
Applejack unironically looks pretty here.
Fine enough episode worth 4 EV. 4 VB for the message of not changing yourself to impress people. 4 DV for the Ponyville Day stuff.
MLP Commentaries IndexWritten 2024-11-22 Published 2024-12-1