The world would be a much happier place if everyone at least tried watching our little ponies.
EP 1: The Crystal Empire Part 1
Rating: 4 3 5
"It" has returned as news from northern Equestria states and Celestia summons Twilight to Canterlot. After the theme song, Twilight is panicking and we see the camera shake for about 2 seconds as she looks around. I quite liked this little effect a lot. I wish they did something like this more often. It's kinda like when a video game cutscene simulates real camera holding.
We learn that Twilight is freaking out because Celestia is giving her some sort of test and she's packing crap for studying. One of the things she's looking for is The Magical Compendiums 1-36 which is a giant book about as big as these commentaries would be by the time they're complete if they were to have a physical print edition.
Imagine: Mox Commentaries of My Little Pony in physical print.
Next we hear Celestia and Luna discussing Twilight's test and foreshadows the event that will occur later in the season stating "...we'll know she is that much closer to being ready.". Twilight walks in and we then learn about the Crystal Empire. We learn that knowledge of the place is very limited and that 1000 years ago, a unicorn named King Sombra took it over. During Celestia's recollection of events, we see that the Alicorn Sisters managed to defeat him showing that this occurred most likely soon before Luna's banishment. We learn that upon Sombra's banishment, he casted a curse on the Crystal Empire making it disappear.
Celestia then explains that if the Crystal Empire of filled with hope and love, it will be reflected across all of Equestria and the same with hatred and fear. Assuming this is true, the Crystal Empire must have some sort of psychological connection to all beings in Equestria. We also then see that Celestia is capable of using what appears to be dark magic.
Herobrine sighting #7
Twilight knows her duties and leaves. We get a song and it's lame. Camera work and animation is pretty good though.
GUYS IT'S PROOF MY LITTLE PONY IS SATANIC SECULARIST PROPAGANDA!!!!!
The ponies travel to the Crystal Empire which is in a giant snow storm contrasted with Equestria's fair weather. Arriving at a train station in the middle of nowhere in the blizzard, Shining Armor then arrives as their entourage to the city of the Crystal Empire and then Sombra attacks them. Shining defends as the other ponies run into the city which is protected by a magical force field keeping Sombra out. Sombra gets a direct attack on Shining Armor but this fool is so whack, all he can do to him is give him a status ailment locking his unicorn magic.
We find Cadance is keeping up the magical force field spell and is tired as all shit just like Shining Armor from last season's finale. The Mane 6 decide to ask the crystal ponies for information. The ponies just turn out to have amnesia and PTSD and somehow can speak modern Ponish despite just reappearing after being nonexistent for over 1000 years. Hī sceolon spræcan swā.
Instead of trying to get information, Rarity is just daydreaming about herself, contributing nothing. Not getting any information from the crystal ponies, the Mane 6 decide to instead go to the library searching for a history book. They find one and learn of the Crystal Fair which should fix the Crystal Empire's problems. We get another song which my notes tell me to ask: Is this song just a shittier Winter Wrap Up? I don't know how to explain it but it just feels like Winter Wrap Up but worse. The song's better than the previous one but still not that good.
The fair starts and the crystal ponies start remembering crap and talk about the importance of the Crystal Heart which the Mane 6 didn't know is an actual magical relic and not just a symbolic totem. Twilight finds there was page missing in the history book explaining the Crystal Heart, Cadance's magic is failing, and the episode ends. I also need to mention that this episode had very slow pacing.
EP 2: The Crystal Empire Part 2
Rating: 3 3 5
We start with Twilight deciding to find the real Crystal Heart herself while the others keep the fair going to keep spirits high so that the Crystal Heart can absorb the positive emotion or something and drive Sombra out.
Over 6 minutes in, we finally get to the point. Twilight in the castle uses dark magic to reveal a hidden stairway and reveals Celestia taught her the magic. Twilight at the bottom of the stairwell finds a door and goes through it which makes her experience a psychological hell of Celestia rejecting her as her student. Spike has to snap Twilight out of it and ends up witnessing his own psychological hell of Twilight kicking him out of Ponyville. It would be very interesting to see others characters experience their own personal psychological hell.
Rainbow Dash jousts Fluttershy and absolutely rocks her shit. Twilight uses a gravity inversion spell and finds a way to go up a different staircase much faster. The ponies fuck up, reveal the Crystal Heart under the castle is fake and the crystal ponies panic. Twilight and Spike reach the top of the castle and find the real Crystal Heart. Twilight then triggers a trap and traps herself and it's also revealed that anti-teleportation magic exists as Twilight is unable to escape the trap via teleportation. She tells Spike to take the free Crystal Heart and the other ponies are failing at keeping the crystal ponies calm and stuff. I also have to say that Sombra sounds so lame when he says anything.
As Spike descends the tower, Sombra attacks and Shining Armor throws his wife at the problem like a true husband should in any situation. The Crystal Heart is returned and magical blast crap like last season's finale happens again. Something something the day is saved. This blast also turns everyone into crystal ponies which suggests that crystal ponies aren't inherently crystal and something else changes their state to that.
Returning to the train station, Applejack flirts with Rarity. At Canterlot, we see a new window depicting the recent events is up this soon. This makes me think that the windows themselves automatically depict historical events as they happen with magic or something. Twilight thinks she failed the test Celestia gave her but Celestia reveals her sacrifice or whatever was the right thing to do and that because of this, she passed. We get a small song about her passing and we get foreshadowing in the final shot with Luna showing a book.
This was the worst two-parter so far. Part 1 was too slowly paced and only gets 4 EV. I was going to give part 2 the same EV but going through this again, part 2 is more boring than part 1 so I downgraded it to 3 EV. These episodes get 3 VB because there is nothing I vibe with. I also must mention that I don't like Sombra as a villain. He's an incompetent buffoon who's more scary than he is actually harmful. Of the entire series, I always thought of him as the second worst villain, beaten only by the shadow thing I forgot the name of from whichever season had the Pillars arc. In terms of unreformed villains, he's the number one worst. I don't understand what the appeal of him is. Why in art is he always depicted as some big, strong, intimidating essence of masculinity when he's just a pathetic idiot that looks scarier than he is actually dangerous? Even worse is when Sombra's depicted as this strong stallion or man while Shining Armor is depicted as some submissive cuck when in reality, it's the other way around. Shining Armor has the big and strong but soft masculine aura about him. Even better, he is the epitome of a good husband, complimenting the strength of his wife Cadance and together creating an unstoppable union. 5 DV because we get to see the Crystal Empire.
EP 3: Too Many Pinkie Pies
Rating: 5 4 4
We start with Pinkie tackling Twilight messing her spell practice up. Then she affects fog that Rainbow Dash is trying to get to float up showing non-pegasi can indirectly affect clouds. She runs around trying to find fun with her friends. 1:43 animation error, Angel's teacup plate disappears. I don't think they changed anything with the theme song this season.
Eventually, Pinkie has an ultimatum of hanging out with Rainbow Dash or Applejack. She messes up Twilight again pissing her off. So we get to the point of the episode and Pinkie travels to a mirror pool which Pinkie believes will solve her problem of having to choose between friends by making a copy of herself so she can hang out with both friends at the same time.
She does the pool ritual to duplicate herself and we are now in what I will call universe 2. Pinkie Prime emerges and meets Pinkie 2. Except notice how Pinkie 2 has to tell Prime about her friends. Prime goes to Applejack and Pinkie 2 goes to Rainbow Dash. Pinkie 2 with Rainbow Dash finds that Rainbow Dash is tired and just wants to rest and Pinkie 2 mentions that it's okay and that "At least we'll still be together.".
Pinkie Prime wanting to have fun comes across Fluttershy. She then worries about "Applejohn" and her plans to have fun. She returns to Pinkie 2 and explains the situation. They decide to duplicate themselves again. Notice at the mirror pool, we don't see Prime and Pinkie 2 go through it but instead we see Pinkie 3 and 4 emerge from the pool. We are still in universe 2. Pinkie 2 finds the other Pinkies duplicating themselves again twice. Pinkie 2 then has to tell the other Pinkies the names of her friends and about Ponyville and this was the point when I knew for certain that Pinkie 2 is actually the real Prime and this is actually universe 1. I will now call Pinkie 2 NeoPrime and Pinkie Prime Pinkie Negative.
There are two possibilities for what happened. The first possibility is that the beginning of the episode took place in what I will now call universe -1. We follow Pinkie Negative until she reaches the mirror pool and we see her emerge in the now universe 1 and meets NeoPrime. The second is that in the beginning, we are in the actual universe 1 following NeoPrime. At the mirror pool, we switch to universe -1 and follow Pinkie Negative through the mirror pool into the actual universe 1 and she meets NeoPrime.
Next couple of minutes is just the Pinkies running antics and then the townsponies get pissed. Eventually Twilight finds a spell to send the fake Pinkies back but there's a risk of sending the real Pinkie back. But back to where? Does the spell just automatically know which universe to send which Pinkie to? If not, Twilight'd be sending them all to the same place most likely or possibly making them vanish from existence pretty much killing them.
They then get the idea to test the Pinkies on who's the real one by making them watch paint dry. Rainbow Dash just throws NeoPrime on the floor. Twilight then mercs all the Pinkies that stop watching the paint dry.
Very good episode worthy of 5 EV due to the Pinkie hijinx. 4 VB because the message is okay about dividing your time between friends and stuff. 4 DV because of the existence of the mirror pool.
EP 4: One Bad Apple
Rating: 5 2 4
Apple Bloom's cousin Babs Seed from Manehatten is visiting Ponyville and she also doesn't have a cutie mark. The CMC and Applejack are waiting at the train station for her to arrive.
Another filly!
The CMC then abduct Babs and bring her to their clubhouse and upon the CMC showing her their blank flanks, she becomes an insecure little shit and hides her blank flank.
The CMC show Babs around the clubhouse. Look at them!
The CMC get the idea to have Babs ride with them on their Summer Harvest Parade float. This timeframe renders last season's theory right about it ending in late summer. So then the CMC show the float to Babs and Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon come out of nowhere and just trespass on Apple property to laugh at the CMC. The two then call out Babs for being a blank flank making her an insecure little shit again. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon then make fun of the CMC and we get this screenshot that I found fucking hilarious.
Being an insecure little shit, Babs turns heel and sides with the bullies and destroys the float. While the CMC are hiding the clubhouse, Apple Bloom mentions Babs is staying for a few weeks giving us the timerange of this episode. Then we get the Babs Seed song which is fucking awesome! Has recycled animation though.
Babs then just fucking annexes the CMC clubhouse with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. I'm pretty sure this violates the NAP seeing as the clubhouse is a substate of Sweet Apple Acres making this a non-consensual takeover. They then institute state socialism, equally distributing the ownership percentages among the three equally.
Next scene, we're at Sweetie Belle's house which proves without a doubt she doesn't live with Rarity. We also learn Babs annexed Apple Bloom's bed which is further violation of the NAP, seizing property of Sweet Apple Acres which has been consensually contractually rented to Apple Bloom. They think about telling Applejack, Rarity, or Twilight about Babs' violations of the NAP but realize that if they show that it's this easy to commit non-consensual aggression against them, this may give their private state landlords economic leverage against them and reduce their bargaining power in the free market.
To get back at Babs, they decide to make a float and sabotage it so Babs will embarrass herself in front of everyone at the Summer Harvest Parade. This feels like it would fit as a GTAIV strangers and freaks mission for some reason. The CMC then construct the float and show that the have genuine engineering skills.
Now at the actual parade, the float is finished and they show it off to Babs prompting her to jack it, the plan playing out as they planned. We also get this screenshot. Why does Scoots look like that?
After Babs drives off, Applejack comes and reveals that Babs has been getting bullied a lot at home for being a blank flank and the CMC decide now of all times to not be completely remorseless sociopaths that will hurt and embarrass others without a single shred of empathy. I'm now reminded of my childhood.
I think I once was on a float throwing candy at people. Very hazy memory. I was 7 or 8 maybe. Haven't so much as seen a parade since I was like 10. Do they even still exist?
Then the CMC jack the float and kick Babs out and become victims themselves of their sabotage. They explain to Babs the situation while Applejack just stands there staring at them. Sweetie Belle says "ironic". The episode ends with the CMC making Babs an official Cutie Mark Crusader and she then goes home but not before Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon find them but Babs tells them to fuck off.
Very entertaining and funny filly episode. 5 EV. I was very conflicted on the VB to give the episode. Originally, I was going to give it the horrible 1 VB but upon further pondering, I have decided to make it 2 VB. The reason for such poor VB is because of the implied message of telling an adult about bullying. Why this gives the episode a lower VB is because adults will not help you when it comes to bullying or any form of harassment. Parents, teachers, even cops are not there to protect children, their job is to keep children in line, make then submit to "authority" and rely on said "authority" for protection because in most societies, anyone under 18 is pretty much considered subhuman. And what is this "authority" going to do? A bully or harasser isn't going to stop because they got a stern talking to. Only the children themselves can stop bullying, maybe ignoring them will work, maybe not; maybe physical violence is the only thing that works like in my case but one thing that's for certain is that the no-good rotten adults are not going to fucking save you. Go play Persona 5. Now the reason I didn't give this episode 1 VB is because the CMC did resolve the problem themselves instead of relying on adults, the only help from an adult being information about Babs Seed's history of being bullied which made the CMC realize what they were doing. 4 DV because we meet Babs Seed.
EP 5: Magic Duel
Rating: 5 4 4
We start the episode with a mysterious pony in a mysterious shop and the shopkeeper points out the "Alicorn Amulet" which is the first time the word alicorn is said in the show I think. The shopkeeper says that the Alicorn Amulet is far too dangerous to sell but the mysterious pony slaps a whole bag of bits on the table and the shopkeeper succumbs to greed at the expense of potential nefariousness the pony has planned with the amulet. This also shows that apparently, powerful magical artifacts are just freely displayed in shops and can just be bought. Now that's the free market I'm talkin' about!
After the theme song, we see that Twilight wants to do a magical demonstration with Fluttershy's animals and Fluttershy reveals that she does not fuck around when it comes to her animals.
Twilight succeeds at her trick and it's stated how Twilight's magic has improved. RD crashes into Twilight and explains there's a situation in town. When Twilight gets there, we get to see the Great and Powerful Trixie again.
Trixie then harasses everyone with her amplified magic abilities then challenging Twilight to another dual like last time. She then also reveals that tale of her previous defeat has spread across Equestria and no one takes her magic shows seriously anymore. She also reveals she had to work at the Pie family's rock farm to make money. Twilight accepts the dual and during it, just magically spawns a parasprite to defend herself against an attack by Trixie revealing that either Twilight has a pocket dimension she can summon things from or can manifest life or at least a simulacrum into existence. After the parasprite splits, she despawns them seemingly just killing them. Twilight loses and is casted out of Ponyville.
Twilight kicked out goes to Zecora but keeps knocking her tea over and this is pretty funny. Next we see Trixie has completely taken over Ponyville and is occupying town hall. We see that Pumpkin Cake is now queen and Mayor Mare has been imprisoned for gross incompetence like she deserves. Trixie employs slave labor.
The rest of the Mane 6 find a book describing the Alicorn Amulet and Fluttershy must conduct a black op to sneak out of Ponyville to give intel to Twilight. We then see Snips and Snails dragging Trixie around and when they mention it would be easier if the cart had wheels, Trixie states that she doesn't trust wheels like me with Bluetooth. Flutters succeeds at getting out but birds have to carry her to the Everfree and it's very cute how she runs in the air trying to get away.
Twilight challenges Trixie to another duel and Mayor Mare is still imprisoned for her total lack of fund management.
The duel starts and what's Lyra drinking back there?
Twilight wins and tricks Trixie into taking the Alicorn Amulet off and reveals that her entire show was an illusion act beating Trixie at her own magic acts. Trixie then later apologizes for being a bitch and she runs away and trips.
Very entertaining and pretty funny Trixie episode so it gets 5 EV. 4 VB because Trixie returns. 4 DV for the Alicorn Amulet and showing that Saddle Arabians exist which I didn't mention.
EP 6: Sleepless In Ponyville
Rating: 5 4 4
We start with best filly still having demon negotiation skills. Rainbow Dash compliments Scootaloo as she's driving her scooter causing her to then freeze and fall into a cow pen but the cows seem to be normal cows, not the sapient Canadian cows from before. Did they retcon the cows at this point?
We're in the CMC clubhouse and there's a really nice detail in animation where a checkers piece moves as Scootaloo lands on the floor. The CMC then decide to go camping with their sisters and Scoots with Rainbow Dash. Rarity is bitch and doesn't want to go but is convinced to by Sweetie Belle's manipulation tactics she clearly gets from her sister.
I find this amusing.
We arrive at the ponies traveling to the camp site and at the actual site, Rainbow Dash is there and Scoots goes in to talk to her but can only get out a "Hey, Rai-" before utterly fucking failing and making an ass of herself. This was amusing.
It's now night and Rainbow Dash says "everybody" and decides to tell a campfire story. But before that can happen, Scoots mentions the events from Sonic Rainboom and embarrasses Rarity like she deserves, clearly learning nothing from the experience. After Rainbow Dash's story, they all go to bed but Scootaloo is scared from the story. We enter her nightmare and she says "anyone". We also get this badass Luna screenshot that should have more art depictions.
Herobrine sighting #8
It's the next day and Scootaloo freaks the fuck out on the way to the next campsite. They arrive and Rainbow Dash tells another scary story freaking out Scootaloo even more. Too avoid going to bed, Scootaloo tells everyone they haven't sung any campfire songs prompting Sweetie to then sing.
After Sweetie's done, they all sleep and Scoots enters another nightmare. Luna appears in her first instance of dreamwalking and exposes Scootaloo's psychological fears of appearing scared in front of Rainbow Dash. She then gets herself almost killed forcing RD to save her and is forced to confront Rainbow Dash about her fears. Rainbow Dash reveals she used to be scared too and the episode ends with them all reaching their destination. Scootaloo's psychological state is then returned to normal as it is implied in the final scene which is also a dream.
Entertaining Scoots episode worth 5 EV. 4 VB for Scoots herself and the message of confronting your fears although we already kinda had an episode like that. Also, dream analysis can replace psychiatric diagnosis if you know how to actually analyze dreams and find relationships between the events of the dreams and your psychological state. This is pretty much what Luna does with her dreamwalking which is pretty cool. 4 DV because we learn of Luna's dreamwalking ability.
This episode reminds me of a girl I knew that thought she was cursed and believed creepypasta were real.
EP 7: Wonderbolts Academy
Rating: 4 3 4
Rainbow Dash got accepted into the Wonderbolts and she's making advancements in her life. Rainbow Dash also trolls the others by saying she didn't get in before revealing she actually did. Pinkie then just fucking tackles her like a girlfriend that just got accepted into a college or something I think. Is this a thing that happens in real life?
We eventually meet Lightning Dust who has an attitude and can keep up with Rainbow Dash. After a 500 lap race, they then have to do a recovery drill and Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust get similar scores with Lightning Dust being only half a second slower but Lightning Dust told the operator to make the machine faster making it harder to perform a recovery.
For some reason this part reminded me of a time when I was in school and was doing athletic testing and I had already gone I think but people could still go again or at least race each other in the 40 or 100 meter dash I think it was. There was one really athletic kid that was in the other line that was in the right spot to race me and we both were absolutely fucking determined to see who was the better sprinter since he was the kind of kid that was really athletic and I was one of the best sprinters in the whole school since I knew how to sprint like an olympian. We then got to the point when we were both at the front of the line about to race and the fucking piece of shit coach decided then of all fucking times to end the PE class. This fucking moment would've been a fucking legendary event. Who's the top sprinter? The popular athlete who partakes in school sports or the violent sociopath everyone hates? The ultimate battle that would've left one absolutely empowered and the other in crushing defeat. If he won, it would've been representative of years of hard work in sports paying off and a good reputation well-earned. If I won, it would've been representative that it takes just one nobody to outdo you. I didn't actually put in hard work, I just tried my best and just happened to be better than everyone. It would've represented that the hard work he put in didn't matter. His good reputation didn't matter. If I would've won, it would've been a symbolic "Fuck you" to the school showing that just some crazy kid was actually truly the best. But we will never know who wins that battle. I now understand why I like Lightning Dust so much.
So next the Wonderbolts recruits have to pair of in teams of leader and wingpony and Rainbow Dash gets pissed that she's selected to be wingpony. She confronts Spitfire about this to which Spitfire states Lightning Dust has been pushing herself more than Rainbow Dash as seen with the recovery test.
Pinkie is freaking the fuck out about Rainbow Dash not sending her a letter despite it being only 3 days. Pinkie sure does like Rainbow Dash. The ponies get the idea to deliver a care package to Rainbow Dash "in person".
Back at the academy, everyone has to do an obstacle course and Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust win leaving everyone else crashed in the sky due to their effort to be the best despite this being a noncompetitive event. Rainbow Dash starts taking problem with Lightning Dust's be-the-best attitude endangering others. Lightning Dust correctly explains that the others should've been able to recover like they have in training. Lightning Dust explains how they are simply better and it's not their fault the others need to git gud. She states how only the best of the best can be a Wonderbolt. Lightning Dust is right.
Next competition training thing, they have to destroy clouds and Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust obviously are winning. Lightning Dust then decides to show off, increasing their work output but messes up resulting in harming the lives of Rainbow Dash's friends as they arrive to bring her the care package. Rainbow Dash saves them by condensing a cloud to catch them showing that non-pegasi might be able to walk on clouds if they're dense enough. Pinkie gets all huggy with Rainbow Dash and Rainbow Dash gets pissed at Lightning Dust.
Pissed about the whole situation, Rainbow Dash goes to Spitfire to resign from the Wonderbolts due to the rewarding of Lightning Dust's methods but Spitfire confronts Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust afterwards and makes Rainbow Dash the lead pony and seemingly kicks out Lightning Dust.
It was an alright episode worth 4 EV. I am very conflicted with the VB score to give this episode. I want to give it VB for Lightning Dust and her reasoning but I want to deduct VB for the messaging and the seemingly kicking out Lightning Dust. The thing is, Lightning Dust is right. The only merit the episode's actual message has is don't endanger others trying to be the best but in some situations, to be the best, harm must come to others whether it be because it's nature of a competition or maybe it's psychological. I'm going to have to just go with 3 VB to balance the positive and negative VB variables. 4 DV because we get to see the Wonderbolts Academy and Rainbow Dash is advancing in her life goals.
MLP Commentaries IndexWritten 2024-11-7 Published 2024-12-1