Rainbow Rocks

Rating: 4 3 4

We start this movie with a shot outside of a Waffle House while we hear then see all the patrons arguing with each other which could very quickly escalate into a full restaurant brawl. We are then introduced to the three girls who are the villains and revealed to be from Equestria and have been waiting for Equestrian magic to show up in the human world for awhile or something but who cares about that? Let's talk about the Dazzlings themselves.

First we've got Adagio Dazzle who's the leader and has a bossy, bitchy personality and is kind of a more appealing Equestria Girls 1 Sunset Shimmer. I can understand why people like her since she is a sort of girlboss with confidence and can get shit done. Sunset on the other hand just seemed fueled by resentment and now that I think about it, gave off faint femcel vibes. Sunset was able to command others and had confidence but she was more bitchy while Adagio is more bossy. Sunset has to sort of force her power onto others with her bullying whereas Adagio just seems able to naturally lead and get herself in positions of power.

Next is Aria Blaze and she's my favorite of the Dazzlings. I just like her personality the most being that she's moody and cynical. I don't have much else to say about her other than that. She's cool.

Sonata Dusk is probably the most popular of the Dazzlings and that's because of her wacky, random personality and considering that this movie came out in 2014, when 'lol random humor' was in its late popularity phase, she became the popular one. Sonata Dusk fans seem to be stuck in an era of bad humor and just seem to be wacky people themselves. She isn't really that funny watching this now and I don't like her as much as the other two.

POV: You are Sonata Dusk's least deranged fan.

So they then see a magical rainbow explosion which is Sunset getting defeated from the first movie placing this beginning segment during the end of the first movie. They then reveal they want to use Equestrian magic to make everyone adore them like they're a bunch of wannabe internet celebrities. Intro song sequence things starts and it's fine I guess.

We're then at Canterlot High and we get a continuity error with the students' positioning.

CMC viewable from door, no stage behind them.

CMC in front of stage to the left not viewable from entrance door.

Students are making posters for a school event thing and Sunset offers to help the CMC with theirs but they refuse her help not because she has a horrible reputation now and no one likes her but because she's an adult in high school and the freshman CMC are creeped out by her. Then she gets invited by the other five main characters to help with theirs and as she's walking to them, she hears the other students whispering rumors about her being an adult in high school and how either she's really creepy or really dumb. Then Pinkie turns Fluttershy into a frosting-face by shoving a frosting-painted poster in her face.

Then Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna walk in and all the students are overly happy at their arrival for some reason. Back when I was allowed in school, when the principal walked in, you knew she was gonna spout some PR slop and the vice principal was always just a cunt. In fact, the vice principal physically and verbally assaulted me when I was 8 and when I reported it, I was just told to "respect adults" and that event sparked my disdain for people that tell kids to just take abuse and "show some respect" and made me realize that adults don't care about children's wellbeing or protecting them no matter how much crap they spew about it. They care about controlling children, instilling fear into them to maintain that control. This event made me realize that adults cannot protect or save the children, only the children themselves can.

Then we get Sunset bitching about herself and has to be reassured by the others and we get a song that's fine. Trixie photobomb:

After the song, they talk about magic and Rainbow Dash boasts and then Flash Sentry walks in. Fuck you Flash Sentry. Rainbow Dash then shit talks her bandmates in front of them. After Flash Sentry finally leaves, Rarity mentions Sunset dating him and she states how she was just using him and how "The old me really was just awful, wasn't she?" and notice how she uses the third person which may be her struggling with and trying to distance herself from her past self as opposed to using a first person pronoun and acknowledging her past and present self are the same person.

Then the Dazzlings show up as new students and Sunset shows them around progressing the plot or something. At a point, Sunset reaches for Adagio's pendant, the pendants being the sources of the Dazzlings' powers and Adagio reflexively grabs Sunset's wrist which is a reflex I've developed myself through training as a child and having to deflect and grab wrists a lot in self defense. Her action here is not unreasonable.

Next we see a recycled shot from the first movie being the cafeteria panning. Fluttershy has an autism moment and then the Dazzlings arrive and they do a song that's pretty good. Beforehand, we also get Sonata's taco thing that sparked the whole Sonata and tacos memes which are unfunny and is basically the pinnacle of her character. Aria also suggests herself leading their next actions which makes Adagio defensive of her position as leader showing that she has an overly dominant personality. At the end of the song, we see that the girls are completely unaffected by the manipulation magic being created by the Dazzlings' song suggesting their magic provides a resistance to other magic. We also get slight foreshadowing with Vinyl Scratch if you pay attention to the background.

The girls go to the principal's office to report the Dazzlings and in typical vice principal fashion, Luna accuses Sunset of shit that's untrue. It's then showed that Celestia and Luna have been affected by the Dazzlings manipulation magic.

Then the girls go outside and Rarity's cutting herself again. At least she's going the right way this time. Fluttershy has a PTSD episode upon seeing this.

Sunset then reveals she has a magical journal able to send messages to another journal in Equestria and then we get to see Equestria with Twilight's castle from the season 4 finale being shown which places the timeframe after season 4. This also means if Equestria and the Equestria Girls world have synced time, Rainbow Rocks takes place about year after Equestria Girls 1. However, this causes issues with Equestria Girls' timeframe since it's implied that Sunset is a senior in the first movie and she would have graduated by now. If Equestria and the Equestria Girls world don't have synced time, I don't know what the offset could be. I guess timeframe issues could be evidence towards Equestria Girls being non-canon but I'm a believer that Equestria Girls is canon to the show and that non-canon believers are huffing copium. Synced time also means the Dazzlings waited at least a year before going to Canterlot High since seeing the rainbow magic thing.

Twilight finds the message book and she finds a way to activate the portal or build a new one using the book's magic. We also get a lore dump on the sirens who are the Dazzlings and are actually beings that were banished by Starswirl meaning they were banished about 1000 years ago. There's no mention of Celestia or Luna so this may have occurred before the past events of the other villains we've seen so far. The Dazzlings are over 1000 years old and have witnessed the world change throughout that time and have likely gained 1000 years worth of knowledge and act like teenagers. For some reason, this makes sense.

Twilight then goes through the portal and brings Spike. I asked my associate FrostFire their opinions on their favorite character Spike as a dog and this is what they had to say:

Wise words yet again, Frosty.

In the human world, the girls are waiting for Twilight and we see Applejack and Pinkie playing a card game in which Applejack plays four aces only for Pinkie to play four jokers which is impossible since card decks only include two jokers.

Twilight then appears and they go to a cafe and Applejack sits the same way she did in the first movie which I noticed. Then Applejack brings up Flash Sentry making Twilight get giddy and reveal she still has a crush on him. This also still proves that ponies can be attracted to humans. We have a chance, bros.

They talk about a party for the people competing in the battle of the bands and how the Dazzlings will be there or something. At the thing, everyone is suspicious of each other. Twilight and Flash Sentry then bump into each other. Fuck you Flash Sentry. Derpy:

The Dazzlings arrive and Adagio sarcastically remarks how it seems like there's "an underlying tension that could bubble to the surface at any minute" which makes me think of how governments use parties to divide people politically and create tension among them. Especially in two-party governments where partisan beliefs are manufactured and kept binary with each side taking an all or nothing approach to the manufactured beliefs furthering political divide and increasing tensions while keeping both parties within the state's control. This makes sure the state has the ultimate control over 'democracy' and beliefs outside the carefully manufactured parties cannot participate in the illusion of democracy.

Twilight then tries to summon rainbow magic powers to defeat the Dazzlings but it doesn't work and they all just look like asses and embarrass themselves. I just realized, didn't the students literally see the girls all magically powered up and shit defeat demon Sunset? I feel like the students would be less neutral towards them instead being either scared, respectful, or jealous to at least some degree. How the students treat Sunset makes sense but how they treat or really, don't treat the other girls seems like the writers failed to realize this.

Outside, the girls are trying to figure out the Dazzlings' source of power and how to fight them and during, Twilight is exhibiting pony body movements making her look like a limp-wristed autist.

Rarity offers to guide you, do you accept?

They then ask Twilight what instrument she wants to play in their band and at a point Rainbow Dash says "my band" prompting Applejack to say "our band" like the dirty commie she is.

After some plot crap, they decide to have a slumber party at Pinkie's house.

What do you think Pinkie is looking at? I bet she's reading the Mox Coms.

Applejack makes Rainbow Dash rage quit at a video game while Twilight is stuck trying to write a spell to use against the Dazzlings like me suffering trying to write these damn commentaries that I doubt anyone actually reads.

At sleepy time, Twilight gets up to work on the spell thing and we see she acts like a pony when no one is around.

Then Sunset walks in and they have a heart to heart or something. I don't know but Maud appears out of nowhere in the most hilarious part of this movie stating Boulder's hungry before grabbing a box of chips and just dumping the chips on him as they fall to the ground. She then just walks out still dumping the chips on the floor.

I just realized. When the girls get their pony ears, are they able to hear through them or are they just cosmetic?

So now it's time for the battle of the bands and before the thing starts, students are getting rowdy again and we see Derpy arguing but I like to imagine she's not even affected by the magic, she's just shit talking and arguing for the sport of it. Just look at her, she knows what she's doing.

So now the thing starts with Snips and Snails dropping some sick bars and why are Celestia and Luna the judges? Shouldn't a music teacher or something at least be part of the judge table or whatever it's called?

They are disappoint.

The girls then do their song but the other students sabotage them starting with the German one puppeteering a rich, entitled Rarity. I thought it was supposed to be the other way around...?

After their performance, Twilight bumps into Flash Sentry again. Fuck you Flash Sentry. Only this time he makes her cry and now I want to repeatedly slam a locker door on his head until he can't see and has to be hospitalized for a concussion. I don't care if he's under the Dazzlings' spell, I just want to physically hurt that fuck.

Then the Dazzlings confront Sunset in a dark hallway like how she confronted Twilight in the first movie and pry into Sunset's insecurities or something. For goddess's sake, Sunset, you're a 20-something-year-old former pupil of a literal goddess. Get over it. We then get the Dazzlings' next song which is another great one. Also notice during the song, it's shown that Derpy has to be restrained by Lyra and Bon Bon to presumably prevent her from attacking Bulk Biceps who's completely free implying Derpy is fully capable of kicking his ass.

Look at these brackets. Shouldn't the left side be going first? And shouldn't the Rainbooms and Trixie's symbols be at the intersections like the others?

We then get part of Trixie's song Tricks Up My Sleeve which is one of the best songs to come out of MLP. This one very short song that we hear very little of in this movie is that good. Okay, I found there's a full version. Literally might be best song in all of MLP.

I love Rainbow Dash's smug face here.

After Trixie's song, we get Rainbow Dash's Awesome As I Wanna Be and my notes tell me "Analyze Awesome As I Wanna Be". I'm gonna be real with you, I have no fucking idea what I meant by that. I'm listening to it now and there's nothing to analyze.

Then Applejack and Rarity argue like a couple with Rarity caring more about her dresses than a potential world-ending threat. Rainbow Dash just stands in the background angrily.

The girls then set up for their performance at the finals at a giant outdoor auditorium the school apparently has unless they're using one in a park or something. Sunset then messes with the mixing console and reveals she's a community college-ass nigga, causing microphone feedback and hurting everyone's ears.

Then Trixie appears and has her goons pull a lever that makes the girls fall for a second and a half which seems like enough to cause serious injury. Then Spike has to save them. Oh right, Spike is in this movie. He's in so few scenes, I forgot. Sonata says "lever" like a Britoid.

Then we get more Tricks Up My Sleeve. God, this song fucks hard. After the girls argue or something, the Dazzlings do yet another song. Then Spike comes and saves them with Vinyl who's unaffected by the Dazzlings' magic since she had headphones on the entire time as we also have seen a few times in the background.

Okay, at this point, I noticed this dude's shirt was Earth's western hemisphere and then I got an idea. So there's a theory that the pony show takes place in the extremely far future of Equestria Girls. I don't believe this theory but I may have found evidence supporting it all because of this guy's shirt. So upon seeing homie's shirt and noticing it's our planet, I then thought about that theory and also remembered about how in the far future there's supposed to be a new supercontinent. Well I did research on what that future supercontinent may look like and found that there are four theories with the Amasia theory where the South Pole stays in place being of interest. Looking at the official map of Equestria, it sort of looks like that Amasia interpretation in the America and Afro-Eurasia part. And the map of Equestria makes it look like Equestria is close to the North Pole while the South Pole isn't even acknowledged, with it just showing warmer biomes towards the south. I don't know if Equestrian climates are accurate to predicted Amasia climate predictions though.

The Dazzlings mind control the students with their music and the girls save the day with the help of Vinyl. The end.

Herobrine sighting #22, #23, #24

Fuck you Flash Sentry.

Unlike the first movie, I consider this a good one. I was never bored unlike the first one but it was only good enough for 4 EV. I also feel like there were less funny moments in this one although that's outweighed by the far superior songs. It gets 3 VB because there is simply nothing I vibe with. 4 DV because Sunset's character arc progresses in this movie.

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Written 2025-1-4 Published 2025-2-1