Best Gift Ever
Rating: 5 3 3
We start with a narrator saying it's the day before Hearth's Warming Eve. Okay, so is Hearth's Warming or Hearth's Warming Eve the actual holiday because both have been treated as the important one? Anyways we start off strong with a little foal tripping and doing a flip. This is just so amusing, I have to repeat it over and over. Then there's a song that's decent. During it we see Marble's decent into femceldom.
A distressed Twilight is panicking while buying a bunch of shit, trying to get everyone a gift so Applejack has to come in to wrangle her and has everyone pick a name from a hat and get that one pony a present so they can save time, effort, and money on gifts. They set off and Spike panics and asks Applejack if it's against the rules to trade names to which she says it isn't so he decides he wants to trade his with whomever has Rarity because after all these years, he's still blinded by lust for a pony who has only ever used him.
Spike goes to check whether Twilight has Rarity and leaves when he learns she doesn't. Twilight then freaks out and reveals Pinkie's her giftee. Then Pinkie's freaking out and we see more of the Pie sisters which is always a bonus. She then runs off to learn from the yaks what to get. Spike is knocked down as Pinkie runs past and tells him she doesn't have Rarity before he can even ask the question. Then the white bitch herself shows up and reveals she has Applejack and ordered an overly fancy hat for her.
Meanwhile Rainbow Dash and Flutters are having a cute little squabble since Rainbow Dash seems to have Flutters but she won't say what she likes. Spike then shows up and reveals he has Rainbow Dash and trades with Fluttershy and finally gets Rarity. Applejack shows up and states she has Spike.
Rainbow Dash just lazily picks out a candle and Discord shows up out of fucking nowhere to tell her she's fucking stupid and should get a much better gift for whom should be her girlfriend. After being thrown against a tree, Discord calls out every middle-aged woman ever by stating candles are for when you have no idea what to get someone.
Pretty cream pony sighting.
After Spike panics over not knowing what to get Rarity, Flutters and Applejack go to Rainbow Falls where Fluttershy almost gets a Daring Do book for Rainbow Dash. The same Daring Do book she's literally featured in and was given a copy early. Then before she can buy it, everyone swarms to a booth where some new toy called Holly The Hearth Warmer is being sold.
She looks so concerned.
Pinkie arrives in Yakyakistan where the yak prince reveals top secret information only he knows, that being yaks suck at gift giving so he gives Pinkie a map to where she can find the perfect gift. Then Rarity arrives at the post office to receive Applejack's gift where Derpy is the clerk and what proceeds next is a fucking hilarious scene of Derpy telling Rarity her gift to Applejack was delivered elsewhere while Rarity panics. There's also a cutely hilarious moment where Derpy rubs Rarity's nose. God, I love Derpy so fucking much.
Spike dies, Discord nags Rainbow Dash, Twilight freaks out over pudding, and Fluttershy shows her Holly The Hearth Warmer gift to Applejack who fears it. It's a raggedy-ass Carpet Sample-looking abomination that spouts consoomerist messages when you pull the string. If I ever have a pull-string toy of my OC made, my lines will be "Human value is an illusion.", "Your dreams are manufactured.", "You will die and be forgotten.".
Rarity goes to the farm where Applejack's gift was delivered only to find out they think it was a gift to the family's son who's a complete fashion sperg and probably a metrosexual. At Twilight's, Shining, Cadance, and Lil Bastard arrive on Twilight freaking out. Meanwhile Pinkie finds the place she was looking for whose residents are reindeer who know who she is and can predict what she's going to say. They give her the perfect gift and when she leaves, she remembers she forgot to take her schizophrenia medication this morning.
Flutters and Applejack confront the Flim Flam brothers who are still trying to expand their resort and Fluttershy succumbs to blind consoomerism. Rainbow Dash and Discord abduct a small animal. Spike is building really shitty kindergarten-level arts and crafts shit for Rarity. Then we're back to Applejack and Flutters who've devised a plan to convinced the Black Friday shoppers to stop consooming product.
Look at the cute little Flutters!
Rarity lets the kid keep the gay hat and invites him to some gay fashion show. Twilight's cooking the pudding and then Flurry Fuck who still can't talk like the dumb little autistic shit she is, begins throwing random shit into the pudding pot as Twilight's not looking. Then the animal Rainbow Dash caught transforms into a monster and beelines for the castle where because shitface decided to be an autistic cunt, the pudding lays siege from within and everyone dies all because Flurry Heart fucking sucks. Ending song's fine.
Rarity is a pedophile.
A lot of funny and goofy moments so it's worthy of 5 EV. No vibe so 3 VB. There's no real development so 3 DV.
Triple Pony Dare Ya
Rating: 3 3 3
Lame short of Rainbow Dash and Applejack daring each other to do crap. This feels like it would be an Equestria Girls short.
The Great Escape Room
Rating: 3 3 3
Another lame short of the ponies trying to escape Pinkie's bullshit. There's a part where sheet music is shown that looks really complicated and I have no idea if it's an actual song or reference to something.
Mystery Voice
Rating: 3 3 3
Yet another lame short where this time a bunch of voices no one recognizes make announcements at the friendship school. The ponies go to tell whoever the announcer is to cut it the fuck out only to find it's Applejack doing a bunch of different voices. I would've given an increased score if Applejack's VA did every one of the voices and this short was a meta joke about voice acting but different VAs did the different voices. Also RariJack.
MLP Commentaries Index
Written 2025-4-12 Published 2025-5-1