EP 8: The Parent Map
Rating: 4 3 5
We start off with a mailpony delivering mail to a pony who gives him a carrot for his efforts before he goes to Sunburst's house where he has to knock multiple times before Sunburst comes out to get the mail. Upon giving Sunburst his mail, the mailpony expects a tip which Sunburst doesn't give him. Do mailboxes not exist in the Crystal Empire and what kind of mailperson gets tips?
He and Glimmy end up getting summoned by the map to their hometown. On the way there, Sunburst bitches about his mom constantly sending him letters about his future and how he needs a plan even though he's essentially part of the Crystal Empire's royal family seeing as he's pretty much Flurry Fuck's godfather and he literally saved the place from being destroyed.
When they arrive at the village, they find it's become a gated community now ran by an HOA using the means of private contracts to restrict people's lawful freedoms of what they can do on their own fucking property. Upon entering, Sunburst gets gassed by a perfume salespony and she explains how some development committee is responsible for turning the place into an HOA. After being rejected from entering the book store, Glimmy's father, Firelight and Sunburst's mother, Stellar Flare show up to explain they've both pretty much taken over the town's management and are trying to run it in opposite ways with Firelight wanting to preserve everything and Stellar Flare wanting to gentrify the town.
While going through the town and inspecting their parents' efforts, the perfume salespony gasses Sunburst again, asphyxiating him. This reminds me of the time I walked into a Yankee Candle store and almost died from asphyxiation. I am not joking. After this, Sunburst complains about there being nowhere to get fruit to which Stellar Flare states how in the future, everyone will drink their fruit like she's some futurist. You vill drink ze smoovie und live in ze HOA.
After having to stay longer to find what the real friendship problem is since their parents deciding not to fight anymore wasn't it, Firelight is teaching Starlight the town's history and at a point mentions how he knows how hard it is for her to sit still and focus which suggests Starlight had ADD as a child, assuming that "disorder" isn't just a psyop by the psychiatric industry to convince people that children who can't sit still like obedient little slaves for seven hours have something wrong with them. Meanwhile, Stellar Flare is just making shit up for Sunburst to solve.
Then Starlight and Sunburst have an outburst at their parents and realize their relationship with their parents is the friendship problem and resolve it and crap. The end. Also, Stellar Flare mentions Sunburst flunked out of magic school.
Amusing enough for 4 EV. 3 VB because it's pretty much just another Parental Glideance. 5 DV for seeing more of Starlight and Sunburst's old village and their family.
EP 9: Non-Compete Clause
Rating: 3 3 3
I remember this episode being leaked before it aired but the sound design wasn't finished which distracted from the viewing experience so I didn't watch the leaked version unlike the other episodes which had been leaked or aired early in some country. Anyways, it's time to announce teacher of the "month" and Fluttershy wins for what appears to be the ninth month in a row, suggesting the school's been open for that long at least. We will get to this is the post-season notes.
Because Rainbow Dash and Applejack want to win teacher of the month, they step up to lead a field trip. While setting off on it, Ocellus mentions she's never gone on a field trip before even though schools typically do at least one per year in western societies and nine months is more than the length of a school year unless it's a year-round school. Their going on a field trip reminds me of a field trip I went on where I was with my right-hand associate and we were dicking around to a point, a guide had to tell us to stop. Then at lunch, which we had out in an open field, we just started ragdolling ourselves like it was GTAV. I also remember on a different field trip, I didn't bring my phone because I didn't want to risk losing it so on the way there, I just annoyed the shit out of another associate and then on the way back, I hammered a non-associate if I could use his phone because I wanted to listen to some WoodenToaster.
Then Yona and Silverstream literally start tripping in the field. They know what's up. They go to the first field trip activity which is some shed building thing where they do manual labor. Do kids actually do manual labor on field trips? I can imagine so if it's an agricultural or woodworking class but I can't imagine the students having much fun just constructing a building. And speaking of agricultural classes, unlike that shitty art class I had to take that I fucking hated, the agricultural class was actually cool and I had no incidents other than the time my other favorite associate had to grab me because they thought I was going to accidentally burn myself during welding. One of the few times in my life someone touched me that wasn't trying to attack me. There was even a week where we pretty much got to do whatever the fuck we wanted so I just played a game of War with my associate which cumulatively lasted like two hours. I lost.
So Rainbow Dash hastily constructs part of a shed which leads to her and Applejack screaming at each other like a divorcing couple and since the Student 6 don't have a copy of LEGO Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy for PS2 to play while they argue, they finish building the shed. However, Rainbow Dash's impatience causes them to accidentally destroy it.
Next, they go canoeing. This fails and Yona drowns. When Ocellus and Silverstream go to rescue her by transforming into sea ponies, I noticed they lost their life vests which makes me wonder where that matter goes and considering this, this element of transformation can actually be a great way to hide stuff.
Life vests.
Life vests gone.
Life vests back.
Twilight gets pissed at them and decides to take over the field trip and so Applejack and Rainbow Dash jerk each other off to convince her to let them stay as the leaders. Twilight has them go on a nature walk but Rainbow Dash and Applejack keep telling each other to take the lead, halting their progress so the Student 6 have to make choices for them in one of those boring sequences I hate. Skipping to the point, Rainbow Dash and Applejack almost get themselves killed and the Student 6 have to save them and the episode ends with them being voted teachers of the month for some reason.
Nothing interesting so 3 EV. 3 VB because the ending is kinda stupid. 3 DV because there's no development.
EP 10: The Break Up Break Down
Rating: 4 3 3
Big Mac's baking a Hearts and Hooves Day pie for Sugar Belle and decides to cheat by having Discord instantly cook the pie. So you know how stuff will often say it can be either microwaved or cooked in an oven? Why the hell would anyone ever microwave the stuff? It always tastes better cooked in the oven and cooking stuff in a microwave instead usually makes it borderline inedible. Anyways, Discord is pissed because they tricked him into thinking they were summoning him to play their tabletop game and he explains how the holiday is just a corporate ploy to sell stuff. Thank god he hates it for that reason and he's not like all the annoying fucking losers who bitch and moan about being single on Valentine's Day. Like holy shit, just buy the discounted dark chocolate the day after and pay some artist to draw you cuddling with your waifu or something. No one fucking cares you're an incel who can't get a girlfriend.
After cooking the pie, Discord mentions how the pie doesn't smell that good, prompting Spike to go on about how Sugar Belle would appreciate it regardless because she's a pie baker. This implies Big Mac isn't good at baking and Granny Smith and Applejack are the ones who do all the baking of apple goods. You know, people used to go on about how I was a good baker when all I did was simply follow the instructions on the box. Really, it's not that impressive to just mix shit together and put in an oven for the correct time. Although here's an actual tip on using ovens regardless of what you're cooking: Put the stuff in the oven during the preheat and count that towards the cooking time. Most of the time it will be fully cooked when time's up and if it's not, just check it every minute until it is. This applies regardless of oven too. I have used this strategy on every oven I've used since childhood and every single time I have ever waited for the oven to preheat before putting the stuff in, it always came out overcooked which is why I do this.
Yo, ponies use phono-logographic writing?
Discord continues to deny the value of Hearts and Hooves Day or something so Spike makes a bet he can convince Discord of its value. Big Mac goes to mail the pie and Derpy's the mail clerk.
Meanwhile the CMC are at the barn preparing the place for Big Mac and Sugar Belle's date and Sweetie and Scoots complain about having no special someponies. Guess no one got them any candygrams. Only time I ever got candygrams was when I was 10 and one of my buddies at the time and some girl who liked to hug me a lot got me one each. Many years later I realized she might've liked me but I kept rejecting her advances. You know, I used to think I was completely unlikable but then I realized years after I left school, there were multiple people who have had crushes on me. But autism is one hell of a drug so those never went anywhere. Although one of the girls I would've rejected anyways because she was a little too interested in me even though she only ever saw me on a morning bus to our different schools. The guys were fucking creeps, I would've rejected them outright. If you're still in school and feel like a complete fucking loser with no chance at love, remember, if people have had crushes on a complete fucking lunatic hated by most like myself, you surely aren't any worse off.
So because Derpy smudged the writing on the package, it ends up being delivered to the CMC and they think it's for Sweetie Belle so they set out to find who her apparent secret admirer is. Meanwhile, Spike's walking Discord through town trying to convince him the holiday's good or something and Discord asks how any of the ponies can be happy if they aren't playing the tabletop game he likes. This is how I feel about MLP. Why even live if you aren't obsessed with ponies to a probably unhealthy degree? Then Sugar Belle appears and walks into Sugarcube Corner so Spike and Discord decide to spy on her. They go tell Big Mac where she's at so he rushes over to see her but as he's approaching, he overhears her say how she hopes he'll be good without her so he jumps into the bush Spike and Discord are spying from to avoid confronting her after hearing this. As the three boys in the bush continue to eavesdrop on Sugar Belle's conversation, they hear her talk about plans which seem to be a breakup with Big Mac so he cries and drowns his sorrows in alcohol like any real man should.
Discord tries to cheer Big Mac up and meanwhile, the CMC are searching for Sweetie's secret admirer who hopefully isn't a fully grown adult animator who made an entire animated series across the span of years that concludes with his self-insert forgetting about his of-age girlfriend to be with the literal child he had previously dated in the thing that the of-age pony had to be the replacement for after being called a nonce and chose to be with the kid even after admitting he never should've romanced the kid in the first place years prior. While the CMC are off doing that, Discord transports the guys to the game world where he tries to introduce Big Mac to one of the skeleton mare NPCs and I do have to admit she's very cute. Discord mentions her lore is that she's in the evil enemy army to pay off student loan debt. This makes me question whether Equestria itself has devolved education to the point of psyoping kids into going into massive debt or if Discord got the concept from some other world.
Spike then gives the excellent advice to just hide from your problems. Discord convinces Big Mac to go MGTOW mode and break up with Sugar Belle first. He does so and Sugar Belle cries. He then returns to the barn and makes Sweetie Belle cry and Spike admit love is fake. Big Macpilled. The episode ends with Sweetie Belle becoming bi-curious and Discord calling out everyone who has a waifu.
It's alright enough for 4 EV. Like a brony can vibe with a Hearts and Hooves Day episode. 3 VB. Not really any interesting development so 3 DV.
EP 11: Molt Down
Rating: 3 3 4
The phoenix Spike rescued back in Dragon Quest is still around and Spike and Rarity are visiting. Anyways, Spike has a stone scale which is just a dragon zit and the next morning he's covered in them and the rest of the episode is just him going through puberty.
At a point, Smolder's explaining dragon puberty to Spike and he mentions how he's grown before, referencing Secret Of My Excess to which Smolder conveniently explains away how greed-induced growth is different to natural dragon growth.
Eventually, Spike's at Zecora's trying to get her to help him and Rarity shows up and reveals she lost her hearing because of the phoenix feather she took at the beginning. Serves the bitch right. Spike sneaks out so Rarity won't see him in his pubescent state and when Zecora goes to get him, they both get attacked by a roc and skipping the bullshit, it captures Zecora and Rarity and Twilight arrives out of nowhere and Spike grows wings and then he and Twilight fight the thing and rescue Rarity and Zecora and the episode ends.
Thanks, M.A. Larson.
I also want to mention I believe it's pretty clear dragons age slower than ponies. We can assume Twilight was around 5 when Spike was hatched since she hatched him while trying out for magic kindergarten. Since I figured out the ponies start the show in their early 20s, this would make Spike around 15 at the start of the show but he acts more like a kid in primary school and is called a baby dragon although that's likely just the ponies trying to cutify him. According to my timeframe theory he would likely be around his mid 20s by this time.
Not that entertaining so 3 EV. No vibe so 3 VB. 4 DV because Spike has wings now.
EP 12: Marks For Effort
Rating: 4 3 4
The CMC are creeping around the friendship school where no one's learning any actual academics. They then sneak into a class Twilight's teaching and upon noticing them, Twilight talks with them outside the classroom but not before Starlight comes by hoping someone would need the work of a guidance counselor only to be blackpilled on the fact her profession is useless. Twilight tells the CMC they can't join the friendship school since they acquired the knowledge of friendship from their years of crusading of which its knowledge has been marked on them with their cutie marks. Okay, so I understand they don't need the friendship school but what about Cheerilee's other students? Surely they could attend the friendship school but they don't. And even if it only was for older students, the CMC and the other foals would be in their late teens at this point. Even if we pretend they're still kids which we have to do, they would still have to be around mid-teens at the youngest considering other episodes and their character developments. Anyways, while Twilight was talking to them, Spike was propagandising the dragon race to the students.
Apple Bloom decides to sabotage herself in an attempt to show she still has a lot to learn about friendship but Applejack sees right through her. Sweetie just begs Rarity. So have we just forgotten Sweetie lives with her parents? Why would it be up to Rarity? Scootaloo just sneaks into school but blows her cover by sperging out about Rainbow Dash.
Apple Bloom is me listening to some dipshit trying to explain life isn't all about ponies.
The CMC then get the idea to stage a crash that leads to an argument in front of Fluttershy and Pinkie but this fails after they congratulate each other's acting and it seems like they made up. This part was pretty amusing.
At the clubhouse, they start hearing crying and get the idea to do that and Sweetie mentions she's a manipulative little filly that cries in front of Rarity to get her way. She clearly gets this manipulative behavior from Rarity herself. They then find the crying is coming from some random-ass filly who just so happened to be in front of the clubhouse for some reason.
The random-ass filly needs help with her friendship homework or something so the CMC help her. Random-ass filly does the homework with the CMC and Sweetie Belle reveals herself to be a complete autist by individually sorting a bunch of sprinkles by color so Mrs. Cake doesn't have to use rainbow sprinkles anymore. Also here's some life advice: Whether someone likes sprinkles on their ice cream or thinks they're just sugar rocks to make stuff look prettier really says a lot about a person. After giving Mrs. Cake her sprinkles, she uses them to make rainbow sprinkles.
After all the studying with the CMC, random-ass filly fucking fails her test. Twilight then accuses the CMC of sabotaging her. Glad to see even ponies' school administration is quick to falsely suspect kids of shit they didn't do. Also random-ass filly's name is Cozy Glow. Guess they already revealed her name but I missed it and I'm not going back and changing shit.
Starlight's on the verge of finally realizing she has a bullshit job but Cozy Glow shows up seeking advice and Starlight is filled back up with an illusion of purpose. Starlight also offers Cozy Glow "empathy cocoa". Where the fuck was my empathy cocoa when the bitch was annoying me with the constant bullshit therapy sessions and constant fucking tests I had to take to figure out what kind of fucked I am? Anyways, Cozy confesses she failed the test on purpose and Starlight spits out a surprised "Why would you do that!?" which is really funny. Cozy explains she failed so the CMC would be accepted into the school and Starlight appreciates her deviousness. A former villain can still appreciate great evil plans. Starlight goes to get the CMC from Cheerilee's school.
I bet Cheerilee's thinking 'This bitch will put me out of business soon.'.
Then the CMC are made honorary friendship school graduates or something.
Has a few goofy and funny moments which gets it 4 EV. No vibe so 3 VB. 4 DV for introducing Cozy Glow and the CMC technically becoming graduates.
EP 13: The Mean 6
Rating: 4 3 4
The Mane 6 and Glimmy are going on some retreat and they hired a photographer to take their photos before they leave. After the photographer takes their photos and plucks strands of their hair, outside it's reveled she's actually Queen Chrissy. She then commences a ritual to clone the Mane 6. She reveals her plans to use the clones to retrieve the Elements to use herself and as she does so, she prances around adorably. She's also a little manic but that's okay; everyone has their faults.
The ponies are traveling to the Tree of Harmony to camp there and meanwhile the clones are being cunts to each other and Chrissy has to wrangle them. The clones are also pretty much just the Mane 6 from when Discord corrupted them. As the ponies are traveling, Pinkie starts rolling around in rose bushes so I guess they don't have thorns. Clone Twilight then gets the idea to commit sedition against Chrissy and seize power for herself. After the clones continue to be incompetent and get nothing done, Chrissy threatens them with a good time.
Skipping to the point, the ponies and clones end up getting mixed up which results in everyone getting pissed off at each other since the clones are complete cunts. After leaving the real ponies all pissed off at each other, the clones and Chrissy arrive at the Tree where clone Twilight enacts her sedition campaign and almost defeats Chrissy but the Tree just straight up kills the clones. The ponies make up or something.
Good enough for 4 EV. No vibe yet again so 3 VB. 4 DV for seeing what Chrissy's been up to.
MLP Commentaries IndexWritten 2025-4-6 Published 2025-5-1