I want to kill myself.
EP 1 1: Cute Impact
Rating: 2 3 3
They're celebrating a new moon but it's actually a waning crescent.
Twilight made some planetarium thing which can be used to observe space and discovers a gamma-ray burst is about to hit the planet dead-on and cause a mass extinction event. She tries to find a way to stop it and the others also learn they'll soon be dead.
EP 1 2: The Crystal Capturing Contraption
Rating: 2 3 3
Me writing these for Pony Life.
Fluttershy plans to record the death of all life on the planet for Content™ and interviews ponies for their opinions on the matter. Pinkie founds a death cult and makes Fluttershy join her and convince everyone with her videos that joining the cult will result in being transferred to another world where they can continue living.
EP 2 1: The Comet Section
Rating: 2 3 3
Everyone joins Pinkie's death cult and they prepare a celebration for the event. We then see Twilight use boustrophedon writing. Writing system spergs know what's up.
Twilight predicts when all life will be eradicated and they will all be sent to the new world. Their sweet release of death doesn't come so Twilight updates her prediction, stating it will be tomorrow. The next day, she's wrong again. Everyone begins doubting the cult's claims but Derpy's still a true believer.
After the gamma-ray burst never hits them, Twilight realizes she didn't account for magic in her calculations, stating magic isn't science when it literally fucking is. In fantasy worlds like this, magic is a fucking science. Why do writers not fucking understand this half the time? Twilight finally predicts the event correctly.
EP 2 2: Cotton Candy-Colored Glasses
Rating: 2 3 4
Rainbow Dash plans to sell merch at the celebration of the planet's destruction. Twilight gives her the idea to sell some glasses to observe the gamma-ray burst as it disintegrates the planet's surface but someone else buys the stock before Rainbow Dash can and it turns out to be Dishwater Slog. Rainbow Dash then learns he's dropshipping them and charging ten times the price they are from the source. People who dropship should be shot. Applejack and Rainbow Dash then find a giant pair of glasses the entire town can use for free to witness their evisceration. Everyone then realizes a capitalist societal structure may not be feasible in the new world so upon witnessing their generosity, decide to be syndicalists in the new world. The gamma-ray burst then arrives.
4 DV for concluding the gamma-ray burst arc.
EP 3 1: Close Encounters Of The Balloon Kind
Rating: 2 3 3
In their new world, they're eating drug-laced cupcakes and notice a giant balloon in the sky that came from a portal and imagine what could be inside. That's it.
EP 3 2: The Tiara Of Truth
Rating: 2 3 3
Pinkie wants them to try her new drug-laced cupcake recipe but only Rarity is there to try them and she trips the fuck out. Then a tiara that compels its wearer to confess something appears and Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy confess their feelings for each other.
EP 4 1: Terrorarium
Rating: 2 3 3
Applejack finds a sentient plant that turns out to be an anti-socialist sleeper agent and it tries destroying the place to disrupt the newly founded syndicalist society. They make it watch some breadtube videos and it converts to the cause, becoming a double agent for them.
EP 4 2: Bubble Trouble
Rating: 2 2 3
Spike finds a magical bubble wand and nearly kills the ponies when he accidently traps them in a bubble which floats up and risks popping which could result in the death of the three non-flyers if they can't be rescued by the other three.
The message about being calm is stupid so 2 VB.
EP 5 1: Time After Time Capsule
Rating: 2 3 3
Because syndicalism sucks, they all take drugs and make a time capsule to remember the old life, wishing they were no longer in the society they live in. Their wish is granted and they're all sent through a portal.
EP 5 2: The Great Cowgirl Hat Robbery
Rating: 3 3 4
Rarity and Applejack are sent 140 years in the past. Applejack lost her hat. They find it but someone else has it and instead of just stealing it to escape back to the present, Applejack competes for it. She loses so she and Rarity stage a thing to get it back and Applejack really seems to like being tied up by Rarity.
4 DV for new location and time period.
EP 6 1: Planet Of The Apps
Rating: 3 3 4
Twilight and Rainbow Dash are sent to the future where everyone has become androids so every aspect of their existence can be monitored and controlled by the government. The androids abduct Fluttershy. They're taken to Fluttershy and find out she's now a consoomer-brained Redditor, now addicted to constant digital entertainment and dedicating her life to the pursuit of Content™. Twilight eats PCB boards. They force Fluttershy away from the mind poison and retrieve Twilight's calculator to return home. Their new home that is. Because the old one doesn't exist anymore because all life on that one is dead.
New location and time period so 4 DV.
EP 6 2: Back To The Present
Rating: 2 3 4
Everyone goes to yet another universe where it seems Discord has won and they meet three different creatures, one being a panther thing which gives me a theory. What if this is the world the ponies travel to Gen 5 when going through the portal? I haven't watched any Gen 5 in a long time so maybe there're problems with the theory but this is what I thought upon seeing the panther thing. Then the ponies are sent back to their new syndicalist world and afterwards, the other three creatures also show up.
4 DV for new world and characters.
EP 7 1: Magical Mare-Story Tour
Rating: 2 3 3
The creatures don't want to return home anytime soon because their world is an anarcho-capitalist hellscape and they want a break from managing their child armies they have to defend themselves against competing corporations and to escape their recent loss in private court ruled by an arbitrator for a rival company. The ponies give them a tour and show off all the benefits of socialism. Except the food lines. They don't need to see those. Or the fact that because there's no more corporate hierarchy, manufacturing of phones and computers now relies on slave labor because no matter how much they may protest worker mistreatment, they need their phones and social media because how else are they going to be mind-raped by advertisers?
EP 7 2: Life Of Pie
Rating: 2 3 3
Lightning Chill, the panther thing, is shadowing Pinkie to help make food for the food lines. Everything goes to shit and 27 ponies died from starvation that day. The first case of cannibalisation is then discovered.
EP 8 1: The Rarest Of Occasions
Rating: 2 3 3
Rarity's making a breadtube video from her Californian McMansion like the champagne socialist she is. Pinkie then gives the three creatures her drug-laced cupcakes and Rarity wants one of them to join her livestream and commits a microaggression. The bird thing joins her and Pinkie gives everyone more drugs and they all watch Rarity's livestream while tripping the fuck out.
EP 8 2: Portal Combat
Rating: 2 3 3
A portal from the creatures' world opens up trying to suck Rainbow Dash into it because she owes taxes to the privatised government. Turns out the government, or the corporate conglomerates that make up the government in that world invested 3.2 trillion bits into the technology to come after Rainbow Dash who owes 45 bits in taxes and an extra seven in back taxes. Twilight closes the portal and uses the power of worker-owned corporations to create her own inter-universal portal technology for much cheaper and makes the portal stop trying to pull Rainbow Dash through and makes it stable so anyone can go through it at any time, creating safe inter-universal travel thanks to the power of syndicalism. Because the taxmen from the creatures' universe are cowards afraid of being shot by real communists who are actually willing to take up arms, they don't come after Rainbow Dash while she's in the syndicalist world.
EP 9 1: What Goes Updo
Rating: 2 2 3
Some stupid Crystal Empire carnival is in Ponyville and crap. They then simp over Cadance and get their manes done but Rarity wasn't there so she gets jealous like the envious bitch she is. They then give Rarity a makeover themselves since the hairdresser is closed but it fucking sucks so they ruin their own manes to make Rarity feel better.
2 VB because the message is bad. People shouldn't feel compelled to lessen themselves or refuse stuff just because their friend can't enjoy whatever thing too.
EP 9 2: Communication Shakedown
Rating: 2 3 3
They make plans to text each other for something but because they're stupid, they misinterpret each other's texts as being rude. This episode's whole premise is fucking stupid. It's trying to point out how you can't put communicative intricacies into text but in reality, friends as close as they are with each other can probably subconsciously fill in the gaps. Hell, my communicative style with others through text is almost entirely either dry texting or non-emotive, to-the-point explanations or inquiries and people have never interpreted it as being rude. Or maybe that's just because that's what people expect from me because they know I'm emotionally lacking. There's an idea: Just stop expressing emotion entirely and people won't interpret your texts the wrong way.
EP 10 1: Lolly-Pop
Rating: 2 3 3
Fluttershy becomes a gamer, finally realizing we live in a society. Applejack tries to oppress her. Gamers truly are the most oppressed group. They force Applejack to become a gamer to understand the oppression we face every day. This episode exudes gang weed. Bottom text.
EP 10 2: Little Miss Fortune
Rating: 2 3 3
Arcana: Rarity is Sun, Pinkie is Fool, Applejack is Strength, Twilight is Magician, Fluttershy is Temperance. Next Persona cast lookin' kinda wack.
Rainbow Dash joins the circus hosted by Shining Armor but she ruins his show so he fucking snaps and kills everyone.
EP 11 1: Playwright Or Wrong
Rating: 2 3 3
Because they have no volition, they have the creatures from the other world choose a play for them. Eventually, Fluttershy mentions the Ponyville bicentennial and upon hearing this, I realized this legitimizes a certain theory and I was about to start throwing shit and go postal but then I remembered For Whom The Sweetie Belle Toils alone pretty much disproves that theory and I calmed down. Then I also remembered this is Pony Life and it's a complete bastardisation of FiM and nothing in it is canon to FiM. It's also possible Fluttershy was referring to a future event as there's no context given as to what the fuck she really means. My theories are better by the way.
EP 11 2: The Shows Must Go On
Rating: 2 3 3
My notes say "IDK WTF's going on". Anyways, at a point Rarity correctly references Applewood as opposed to Ponywood as referenced in a previous episode. Yeah I still don't know what the fuck's going on.
EP 12 1: The De-Stress Ball
Rating: 2 3 3
Before their play celebrating communism, Applejack gets stage fright so Rarity hires a new age hippy to help them but she just ends up psychologically fucking with them and they question their existence and the effects of their syndicalist society.
EP 12 2: Mad Props
Rating: 2 3 3
They do their play on the greatness of communism and at one part, Rarity burns a bunch of money from the old world to show how their new society is a moneyless utopia. Then the play starts going to shit and it's revealed to be Discord behind the sabotage because he's still loyal to the capitalist system because he was a billionaire in the old world. The ponies successfully improvise despite the sabotage and everyone's belief in the syndicalist society is reinforced. At the end, they fight the embodiment of capitalist materialism and win.
EP 13 1: Magic Is Ahoof
Rating: 2 3 3
They investigate the sabotage and it leads them to Discord. They confront him and he confesses to everything. He monologues about how the syndicalist society is actually a conspiracy manufactured by him and he's the true owner of all the worker-owned industry. He explains how because he can travel between worlds at will, upon learning of the imminent destruction of the ponies' old one, got the idea to subliminally convince Pinkie's death cult to become a syndicalist society. What seemingly was for the benefit of all, in reality was a cover to extract industrial output from this world for very little cost to sell in other worlds where he can make massive profits. Their syndicalist utopia only exists to feed the capitalist machine.
EP 13 2: Journey To The Center Of The 'Cord
Rating: 2 3 3
Discord has run off so they go to confront him in his chaos dimension.
Why is there a French flag in Discord's chaos dimension? Is this a commentary on French immigration policy?
Discord kicks them out so they devise a plan to go into Discord's mind where they find themselves in a palace where they must find Discord's treasure to make him confess to his crimes of deceit.
EP 14 1: One Last Wish
Rating: 2 3 3
It's Discord's birthday and we can actually maybe get a timerange of when it may be. They recently had the play which also celebrated some day that's supposed to celebrate the longest gap between holidays. Using known in-universe holidays, the longest timespan between holidays would be between the summer solstice and Nightmare Night assuming it's on October 31 at 132 days so I guess we can assume Discord's birthday falls soon after August 26.
Anyways, they plan to throw him a party so he'll be convinced stop profiting off of the syndicalist society. Twilight and Rarity go to a party store which turns out to be clerked by Cheerilee and she has lost her fucking mind. Applejack and Fluttershy steal Vinyl's equipment. It then turns out Discord sabotaged his own birthday party.
EP 14 2: Wild Heart Beats
Rating: 3 3 3
Their and the creatures' worlds begin merging, creating a combination of syndicalism and anarcho-capitalism so they use the power of friendship or something to stop it during a song that doesn't completely suck. It turns out Discord was behind this too and wanted to combine the worlds to further create profits for himself. Upon fixing everything, the portal to the creatures' anarcho-capitalist world is closed. At the end, Pinkie wants to be in some reality show which technically isn't technologically impossible considering movies exist in the main show.
It's Over
And thus marks the end of the Mox Coms. At least until I find a way to get all the comics whether by buying them physically or just pirating them. Or if I ever feel like self-harming, I'll commentate on Gen 5.
MLP Commentaries IndexWritten 2025-5-17 Published 2025-6-1